the bRuised heart~~~

I fell to the floor clutching my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I was lying on the bathroom tiles crying. I felt worse than a kid wailing out for his mother.  I gasped for breath possibly thinking it is a heart attack but the truth was that the broken heart of mine had already taken control over my life.

Life couldn’t have proved more miserable than living every moment of it on pile of hopes,  hopes from the good lord above to bless me with enough strength to let go, hopes from the love of my life to find power to forgive me, hopes after hopes to welcome each day without self pity, self disgust and self hatred.

I got up stumbling on the knees that I found too weak to hold me. I realized I have been there for quite long. Took a glance at my favorite object, the mirror on the bathroom wall, I looked like I haven’t slept for nights as the eye bags have gained prominence and the growling tummy just confirmed that I haven’t eaten anything since the night before except for some fruit juice. The tears were still streaming down uncontrollably from my eyes further wetting my face as I groped in the dark towards my bed without putting the lights on not wanting to disturb my angelic niece sleeping peacefully.

I don’t buy the saying that time heals all wounds because this is the 4^th month of still waking up with that excruciating pain in my heart and still breathing harder on the threshold of losing the one and only love of my life.