The childhood sweetheart of mine~~~

It is what we define now as ‘puppy love’. It is something every one of us would treasure the memory of having one. The first ignition of the word called ‘love’ in our life. The first love story we try knitting not apprehensive about how many more would we further knit. The childhood love of one’s life can be overwhelming.

 I knew him when I was in my 4^th standard. We were classmates and shared the same first row in the class. Lending him sharpeners for his blunt pencils consistently had me irritated at times but in vain most of the time for I couldn’t resist his smiling eyes with those deep dimples that formed along on both side of his cheeks.  Gradually it became my pride to lend him my sharpener whenever he approached me because of those peep talks the girls had over his cute dimpled face and smiling eyes. Trying to figure out why he always asked for my sharpener only added fuel to the fire of my developing feelings towards him. 

 It wasn’t long enough to discover that we were neighbors when he called my name while I was counting the stairs out of my house walking towards school. The white tall building opposite my house was his. I promised him I would come out of the house in the evening to play badminton with him and he promised in return he would do my homework with his as well. This frequent after school routine of ours invited the other kids in the locality to tease us making me blush confirming my huge crush on him. (He confronted those teasers just with a smile that would just make me go further weak in my knees)    

This became our daily routine until the days of our primary school were over. Unlike everyone in the class, I was the only one not going to follow the placement offered by the school after 6^th standard. I was going to be with my dear parents for my higher studies. I decided not to burden my aunt and uncle anymore with my tantrums so that was precisely the reason I chose a different school, a different crowd to mingle with leaving behind a bunch of good friends and yes Him! My first love!

High school was tough. I missed his company a lot. I missed our badminton game. I missed how he took care of my home works and most of all I missed the feeling of pride I walked into my previous school with him welcoming those envying eyes for being close to one of the popular boy in the school. How I had wished that instead of reading those letters he posted to me constantly, if he could simply write to his parents for a transfer in my school and thereby also save lots of money on the postal stamps. That never happened. I kept receiving his updates in each letter he posted and consequently collecting postal stamps became my hobby.    

We saw each other after our high school or more like bumped into each other after 6 years in one of the job fairs. (We realized we never talked about meeting up). As much as he would have noticed that I have not grown much tall in my six years I noticed his dimple still came out deep and that his eyes still smiled.  The meeting with him in ages confirmed that we were just best at conversing with each other through letters only than in person. An exchange of a silly smile followed by awkward wave of bye was all we did.

The first call I received from him said a lot about who we were going to be in the near future. He was going to India for the engineering course on government scholarship and I was also going to India for law course on my parent’s scholarship. We congratulated each other. (It was much easier to talk over phone than writing those letters flipping dictionary for correct adjectives to express). The bond just grew stronger with each e-mail we exchanged much to the amazement of our common old school friends about our steady contact till date. I realized he was indeed my best friend until he decided to propose me in my 2^nd year. Things changed drastically after that. I saw a different side of him that I never envisaged. Maybe I invited the change and I was responsible equally to ruin the bond of 11 years we had built.

The bitter truth was he loved me to heights and that became my weakness unable to tell him on his face how much I resent such obsessed attention of his. I was caught in the webs of total disarray not able to fathom what I wanted from the relationship and him. As much as I knew I wanted to get away with the relationship that was suffocating me, sad enough I was sure I didn’t want to lose contact with him in any sense because of the particular period of my life that I had shared with him in my childhood. The attachment we have formed over the years was something I dreaded losing forever.

I let it happen. It didn’t work out the way I expected. Before struggling hard to hang up on me and after a long pause, he said “let’s not keep in touch. I will always wish for your happiness. Take care”.

He kept his words. I didn’t hear him since then. The last we crossed our ways was surprisingly on Valentine’s Day after two years of complete silence. Hearing him was more overwhelming over seeing him. He said he was dating someone seriously. ‘She is just like you’ was his only reply avoiding looking at me directly when I asked if I knew her. Unlike me he didn’t bother to know who I was with. I could feel the awkwardness in our voice when we raised the toast for the happy valentine we had in our lives now. I hugged him a bye evoking the nostalgic air between us. The fact was he had set me free and I never came back in his life. Maybe letting go was the only choice I gave him. That was the last we saw of each other.

It’s been 5 months now I have started getting acquainted with my working life style. Lately I have been assigned to look after the explosive bill concerning the security of the nation.  In that regard, I had to sign a letter to the engineer at the explosive dealing agency of our country. Call it ironical, it was to him I was sealing my letter.

I heard he got married on the valentines month of the same year we had ran into each other.